a reflection

so last week i hooked up with someone else besides mark. let’s call him andrew. andrew and i had gotten into some pretty involved dancing last fall, and then again early last week. this was the kind of ‘dancing’ that only drunk people do in the middle of a very dark club, and under normal circumstances you’d be escorted out for lewd conduct in a public place. but it’s college so no one cares as long as there’s no visible penetration. so when friday rolled around and i found myself once again leaning on him, and he suggested that we go back to my room, i acquiesced and figured that we’d had enough lead-up at this point to do the dirty deed.

afterwards, i found out from a mutual friend that andrew is pretty damn innocent. or at least quiet about any experience he’s had. i didn’t think so because he was pretty quick to start making out with me, and he seemed more or less knowledgeable in bed - although he kept saying things like “only if you want to” and “if that’s okay with you.” this was super cute because he works in a capacity where he’s been trained as one of those counselors who hands out condoms and talks about safe sex. he handled me in a way that was bossy and a bit rough but not overwhelming and definitely considerate, which is perfect. he did so well that i was scratching and at one point bit his hand. these are things that i do semi-consciously when i’m in the throes of passion, so that should tell you something about how good he was.

a note about the biting: this is instinctive, but i feel bad for the guy who has to go through with it and isn’t into that sort of thing. in this particular instance, he did something and on its own my mouth sought out, teeth-first, the nearest bit of him that i could see, which was his wrist. i gave it a little nip before i could think. i caught myself right afterwards and panted out, “i’m sorry if i bite you,” to which he said “that’s okay.”

anyway, i digress. my point was that now i’m unsure of how experienced or inexperienced he was. it’s not a big deal if he was experienced, but if he wasn’t then i feel pretty weird about that. it’s strange but the main thing i’m worried about was being a bad first time. (we didn’t go all the way, which is fine by me because i approach sex with suspicion - i’ve had very bad partners who hurt me every time.)

it was interesting. there was a whole lot of verbal play with him. he wanted me to tell him why i liked his body (he has a nice-ish body, so that was fine), and whether i’d been looking forward to this (not really). he told me several times that i was really hot. he was actually the perfect gentleman in bed. does his seeming need for reinforcement point towards less experience, or does his physical confidence point towards a secret hoard of experience his friends don’t know about? some guys can fake experience really well based on hours of porn-watching and internet research. and i guess his straightforward questions could be seen as either taking command of the situation or else the product of inebriation. so it’s unclear.

at this point he hasn’t talked to me or been awkward for almost a week, and i saw him a few days ago. so i think i’m going to assume that he’s not reading too much into our encounter. i can envision us having been in a relationship if we had met earlier on - he’s a super sweet, very smart guy. and nice in bed. so maybe we’ll have some fun in the next few weeks, but i’m not going to seek him out.